I have aviophobia. I think 2021 sounds like a good time to get on an airplane. Here’s why.

I put my bottle of pills on the tray table in front of me to convince my seemingly incapable hands to steady and open the damn xanax. Ah, fuck. I pushed too hard and the bottle fell over right as I got it open.

“How many is that today?” says my spouse, with great concern.

Two. Because I haven’t put anymore in my mouth yet. Because they all spilled.

The flight attendant comes by for drink service after we level off and I ask for…