Anxiety Disorder and Cognitive Dissonance During a Pandemic

For as radical as I would appear, I cannot seem to master radical acceptance.

I’m afraid that I will not be able to accept the things I cannot change. I will certainly not be living life among people during a pandemic. At a time where scientists, doctors, researchers, epidemiologists generally agree that we are rushing to open and congregate; I’d imagine hearing that my therapist agrees does very little to sway your opinion either way.

I’ve been seeing her for anxiety related problems for two years. She always listens diligently and thoughtfully and then works out measured reasons that I don’t need to worry about the specific intrusive and catastrophic thoughts we discussed.

I rambled my ramble about all the reasons that I became panicked again. I told her how I was in stasis with my anxiety until the state opened back up. I was as close to peace as I’d known in 2 years because it seemed like people were doing the right thing. That there was unity in a fight against an unseen enemy, and that people were willing to protect each other by staying home. We finally found a united cause.

And then everything crumbled somehow.

The news became less about front line providers who were getting applauded and people singing from their balconies and more people protesting that their rights were being stolen by closing the state. Less about visible pollution reduction, and more about people attacking other people for not…